_run_

We will pick up your feet,
We have got a deadline to meet,
I am going to see you make it on time,
Do not relax,
I want elbows and backs,
I wanna see everybody from behind..



Song played : Working For The Man by Roy Orbison.
Condition : Good and fresh.

Hey hey hey. It took me about 4 hours sitting on the blank document on my lappy without typing any single letter. I know what to write. I just do not know how to write. Yeah, by tapping my fingers on the qwerty, I know. Obviously. But, The feeling I felt just now was f***ing weird. Awkward. Excited. Anxious. Mixed up. Is this love? pheww. pheww. Crap.

Why cant I just say it straight to his face? How? Like how? I will figure it out tomorrow. 

Cant this be a better way rather than drafting an 'essay' or 'cause papers' to you? This is much more simple. This is how it supposed to be..

                                           Dear B,


                                           I quit. Sayonara. 


                                           Regards,
                                           Your only staff.






OH, I WISH!






sigh. my dearest boss, I know you will not sad after you receive my white love letter, but I am sure you will get upset and disappointed. My apologize to you.

_break_

Now here we are,

So close,

Yet so far,

Haven't I passed the test?

When will you realize,

Baby, Im not like the rest..

The world is ours if you want it,

We can take it if you just take my hand,

There is no turning back now,

Baby, try to understand..

Because you have been hurt before, 

I can see it in your eyes,

You try to smile it away,

Some things you cant disguise,

Baby, I can ease the ache..

I dont wanna break your heart,

I want to give your heart a break,

I know you are scared if its wrong,

Like you might make a mistake,

There is just one life to live,

And there is no time to waste..

Song played : Give Your Heart A Break by Demi Lovato.

Condition :  Weak and tired plus blood mixing with saliva in the damn mouth.

I am not okay. there is something isnt right. yeah, my heart said so. Im not feeling good as well. feeling sick, to be certain. Im done cleaning up my-upside-down-blue-box. nothing much. just trying to put things back to their places. much better now. but, the condition of my room doesn't pictured the condition of my bloody heart. I lost the feeling that once Im proud of long time ago. it was no longer there. slowly fade away. until one point I just knew that there is no chance for me to felt that way again.

I keep looking for it. I dont want to be a creepy stressful young lady for like, forever. but, seems so. uhh. the actual situation suffered by my heart is subdued.

I was talking to my little brother an hour ago. like nothing else much more relevant to said to him, I was asking how he was doing in KK. not to mention that I met him today. yeah, couple of hours ago. ridiculous me. dang! by mistake, it turns out that he found that was something wrong with his so called 'independent strong heart sistah'. uhh. she is not strong all the time by the way. not today at least. he managed to burst out my laugh by making me click on the link he gave me through the chat. thank you for that, growing up brother. haha. and yeah, ridiculously, he made me try on something that I never heard before. sound hard and stupid to me at first. what the hell was it? 

"tarik nafas. when exhale pretend nafas keluar ikut liang between your both kening. it works laa. rasa relaks kan? haha ;)'"

nice try bro. ngeh.

so..I will have to take a nap now. I was thinking to read some more chapters on Jonathan Tropper, but it give me much more pain than heal. I wasn't expecting all this shits, but it just happened. and its hurt.

the title of the book and the song that I listened to while writing this crap are both leading me to pain. are they related much? or is it just me? aha. 

or is it me who need to give the heart a break?

oh God, I just hate being heart broken.

_moving_

You wanted control ; so we waited..

I put on a show ;  now I make it..

You say Im a kid ; my ego is big..

I dont give a shit ; and it goes like this..

Song played : Moves Like Jagger by Maroon5.
Condition : Soap in my mouth and head spinning around.

Okay. 15 April. pagi-pagi meraba si biru. aku gagahkan juga membuka laman putih yang aku rindukan hampir setiap hari ini. tapi aku tak berdaya. keletihan. kepenatan. ketandusan idea. semuanya bekerjasama menyumbang kepada kemalasan aku yang tahap dewa ini untuk mencaras-caras. 54 hari jika mengikut kiraan aku yang dah lama meninggalkan ilmu hisab ni. cukup lama. bersawang juga keadaannya. dang! 

satu yang aku pasti, hampir dua bulan ni, berjuta perkara yang mahu aku layangkan ke dunia ciptaan aku sendiri. hingga suatu saat, cagas saja tangan aku menaip sebuah rasa pada telefon bimbit yang tak seberapa itu. ada kala, perasaan berkarya aku muncul tatkala aku di dalam perjalanan menuju ke tempat kerja, dan lebih tepatnya, di dalam bas. ya, BAS RAPID U83. uhh. berbaris juga tajuk-tajuk entri yang aku campakkan pada nota digital aku supaya aku dapat berkongsi segala kejadian yang aku alami saban hari. malangnya, terbiar sepi tanpa dibaca walau oleh aku sendiri. pathetic me. thank you, I know.

owh, bagi mengasah semula otak aku yang dah berkarat dan jari jemari yang sudah mula mengeras gara-gara mula menjadi 'akauntan' dan 'HR' tak rasmi di office baru aku, aku perlukan sedikit masa. berapa lama? tolong jangan ada bertanya. dang! okay, mungkin office, keadaan dan tempatnya yang baru tetapi invisible system dan company nya masih sama. begitu juga isi di dalamnya. and sadly said, itu yang membuatkan keadaan aku lebih teruk dari dahulu. 

kenapa? you judge, and please do not tell me.

-cubicle lapuk aku di WBA lama-

-dua hari sebelum -

-kotak tiada sempadan-

for all the good old days, this is the present..

sound awesome to some of you, but it was totally insane for me. why?


the only staff for 5 lawyers under 3 registered legal firms?










how does it sound to you now? superb, HELL NO.