_bola_

..panas. berpeluh. merah. kuning. biru. semua ada. aduhh. ramai gila kot semalam. uhh? apa? bola. malaysia vs indonesia. siapa kata perempuan tak tengok bola? bukan sekadar tengok, at least saya faham okay? perasaan? hmm.. (",) best kot. first time tengok live. dapat first tier seat lagi. view memang cun sangat. betul-betul belakang bench malaysia. crowded gila. nasib ada am and wan. diaorang tolong jaga dari awal datang sampai selamat balik rumah. terima kasih kawan-kawan. korang memang best! excited kot sebab dapat buat macam-macam unexpected things before grad ni. part 6 memang busy. sangat. tapi kena laa enjoy the moment jugak kan? tak pernah-pernah saya melompat bila gol, tak pernah lagi kena sound dengan orang belakang sebab sibuk berdiri nak jadi witness gol, tak pernah saya berdepan dengan peminat fanatik bola yang berbadan besar menunjukkan minatnya, tak pernah saya saksikan pelbagai ragam dan gaya peminat ke stadium, tak pernah jugak saya tengok pihak lawan give up sebab tak ada gol dan decide untuk balik, tak pernah saya ikat kain with the word 'MALAYSIA' written on it kat kepala, dan tak pernah terfikir pun akan berdepan dengan situasi macam tu. apa pun, semalam 26 Disember 2010, tepat jam 6 saya dah pun ada di stadium bukit jalil. pakai baju kuning okay. haha. and he was there too. hee..

_me_

..im doing fine now. with you around. im cheerful person now. with my friends around. im doing absolutely complete. with my family around. i am who i am now. standing here on my own. sitting here alone. but, i always know that there are you people, around me. i am happy and free now. im proud to say my stands. im proud to be myself. im proud to be me..

_huruf_

..pheww. penat gila. assignments berlambak okay? ni baru setel satu. nak kena study IP pulak. damn it. subjek yang menarik tapi cara 'subjek' yang mengajar itu kurang menarik. boleh tolong kuatkan sikit suara tak sir? come?! haha. and sir jangan laa gelak dulu sebelum kami faham lawak apa yang sir baru cakap. duhh. saya ni da laa blur. lagi satu yang tak puas hati ni, (banyak sebenarnya yang tak puas hati, haha.) apasal yang semua pun nak pilih 4hb tu untuk dateline of submission. segala laa projek, assignments, tak kira laa group ke individu ke. duhh. apa tak boleh lambat sikit ke? or awal kan ke? haipp. tak nak laa awal sangat. penat sudah. bila bagi kerja awal-awal berserta tarikh submit, tiba-tiba rasa dunia ni kelam kabut. banyak perkara nak diselesaikan. bila nak enjoy ni? final sem kot? mesti la nak gembira dengan kawan-kawan jugak. adoiyai. bertambah pemalas pun ada. bila nak berubah ni? okay, semester depan saya janji tak buat lagi. saya janji akan berubah. haa? semester depan mana ada daa eh? alamak! ooppss, baguslah. haha! okay, semakin gila. terlalu banyak perkataan dalam kepala dan di depan mata. okay, pening. sangat.

_keadaan_

..okay, keadaan tak menentu. semuanya membingungkan. semua perkara datang bertandang serentak. bulan yang penuh dengan senyuman dan desakan minda pada masa yang sama. huh! sangat berat. BERAT! tak larat pulak rasanya. kesihatan pun tak berapa baik. itu lagi laa pelik. susah nak sakit betul. selsema tu biasa la kan. tapi sakit yang betul jarang laa. kali ni, kenapa? duhh. malas nak figure out. study, rumah, kawan2, orang tersayang, family. setiap satu ini menyumbang pada kebingungan. kenapa? apa halnya? itu laa yang tak tau tu. semacam je la perasaan ni. semangat dan keghairahan dalam menyelesaikan sesuatu tu kurang sangat. ouch. mungkin tak ada. langsung. apasal ni..? buat la muka macam mana pun, pucat dan kegelisahan tu terang nyata dan jelas nampak terserlah kat muka panda ni. damn it. benci bila jadi macam ni. kehidupan saya? kembalikan semula! entah mana perginya. Ya Allah, semoga semua ini sementara saja..

_ada_

..
ada yang tak kena.
ada yang mengganggu fikiran.
ada yang tersangkut di hati.

ada sesuatu yang terpendam.
ada sesuatu yang berputar di minda.
ada sesuatu yang masih gagal diungkap.

bingung.
ada sesuatu, di situ.
aku keliru.

bagaikan tali bersimpul ikatan.
tiada terlerai.
bagaikan terjatuh terjerumus
jauh tiada tercapai.
bagaikan pungguk rindukan bulan
tiada kesampaian.

apa sebenarnya?
apa yang ada?

dalam hati.
..

_we_

..this moment, I want to stay. numb. its more like staying forever. with you. you used to be there. in a small part of my heart. you used to make me smile. and laugh. you used to make me mad and sleep in anger. you used to let me walk alone far behind. you used to make me sit there after stupid arguement. you used to left without explaining. and, you used to be mine. long time ago, we were both unmatured teenage kids. maybe we were trying to look mature and try to prove that we maybe able to stand on our own. but, still. the fact is we were too young. at that time. time passes. we are now grown up. we are now a young adult. it can never be same as we used to be. but, one thing that never change is, you is still you. and me will always be me. and we are always there for each other. I really hope that this fact will remain the same in five or ten years from now. but, like you always said. do not plan. we never know what will happen in future. we cant predict it though. we keep pray and wish. with hopes. and now, you are with me. yet, I know and Im sorry that I have to hold my passion. there's a lot of things to be done. to be settled down. to be achieved. by you, and so does me. one thing my dear, please guide me. always tell me the truth. have faith for me. and I will stay for you. please tell me this is all for real..

_lets_

..Is your favourite colour blue
Do you always tell the truth
Do you believe in outerspace
And im learning you
Is your skin as tanned as mine
Does your hair flow sideways
Did someone took a portion of your heart
And im learning you
And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And
Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me
I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

Deeper conversation
Let me..

_tadi_

..sekejap nak. sekejap tak nak. kejap rindu. kejap marah. duhh. sekarang, datang. lepas tu tak payah pulak. tak faham la. nak macam mana sebenarnya ni? keadaan kita tak mengizinkan laa. bukan nya sengaja nak meluka atau menyakitkan hati. tapi, bila cebisan hati ni menetap kat sana, sekejap saya di sini, kemudian di sana. dan tadi saya gembira di sana, dan sekarang saya merindu di sini. seakannya logika itu tiada, tapi saya gembira. no regrets!

_sihat_

..selsema teruk. sangat teruk. teruk gila.

hati tenang. jiwa senyum. riang gembira.

mata letih. badan lesu. otak penat.

tapi

rasa bahagia bila dapat jadi diri sendiri..

_plaster_

..kondisi hati yang cuba diperbaiki..

_fact_

..sorry

it was hurt

the fact that you hurt me

slowly

being hurt by you day by day

slowly kills me

knowing that the one who hurt me

is you

hurt me more

but

admitting that I purposely hurt you

for some unexplain reason

hurt me the most

I LOVE YOU

yeah, I do

but I just cant be with you

seriously

trust me

I hate that fact..