_conversation_

All of these words whispered in my ears

tell a story that i cannot bear to hear

Just because I said it

It dont mean that I meant it

People say crazy things

Just because you heard it..

Song Played : Rumors Has It by Adele.

Condition : Hungry but still in the mood. Nice.

Today is Wednesday. May 2nd. Almost a week ago, this was how the conversations went..

*B's room.

KNOCK KNOCK!

S : Boleh I masuk, sir?

B : Boleh..

S : Boleh I duduk? I nak bincang dengan you sikit.. *showing the brown envelope*

B : Boleh...Hmm, apa ni?

S : Surat. Surat untuk you.

B : Surat? Mengapa surat ni? Surat Cinta?

open up the envelope..

B : Janganlah.. apa ni? I dah beritahu you jangan beri saya surat ni..? Haa? Mengapa?

S: Mengapa? err.

B : Haa.

S : I've got another job offer. Tetapi, I kena buat pilihan dulu. And, once you accept this letter then only I can make a decision and response to them. I have two options. Either litigation or convey which of course I will be accepting either one because of the payment. Lagipun, kita bekerja untuk wang, kan?

B : You really want to go, ha? I cant keep doing this with you. I really cant do this. This particular moment is really unsettling for me.

S : Then, how can I negotiate with you..?

B : I cant give you an answer now. If you are asking for something now, please give me two months. Let me settle down this first. (referring to the office management).

S : Im not leaving now. Im giving you a month notice so that, perhaps you can get a replacement?

B : Ya, saya tau. Tetapi, right now, at this very moment I am not in possession to deal with this. Okay now that I've got this, fine. I will call you and talk to you later. 

S : Yeah, tapi..

B : Please, because you are all moving too fast for me. I am just trying to adjust everything...*sighh*

S : Okay, so apa I boleh buat sekarang? macam mana?

B : I pun nak beritahu you. Tetapi, like I said Im not in the possession to do it right now. Not today. And not for the next one week.

S : Sebab I kena beri keputusan pada mereka by this Friday.

B : I know. That's why. Give me two three months, let me settle this firm.

S : Ya, I tahu. tapi peluang bukan selalu datang.

B : Ada banyak peluang akan datang. Dalam khidmat guaman ni, pasti ada.

S : Maybe in two three months later, you tak akan bagi I pergi juga?

B : Tak tak tak. Bukannya I tak bagi you pergi. I nak dalam position di mana I boleh tawarkan you sesuatu yang lebih structured. Sekarang, macam terlalu banyak gelora di dalam firm ini. Right now, Im working on the cash flow, man. *Laughing loud*  Im pumping money into the firm. I need to bring up somethings than only I can talk to you. And I will talk to you. I have told you. Im not running anywhere.

*****

B : I really cannot play with games right now. I have to move on the certain structure. Up to you. I hope you will stay. I want you to stay. You might think the grass is greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water your own grass it would be just as green. Im not trying to scare you. I really would like you to be part of this team. I need to sort somethings first. I have to make her happy first than I can make you happy.

*****

S : The reason if I were to leave is not because of the stress, but its just that I get the chance and I just grab it.

B : Haihh. Really haa? Dont laa like that..

S : Sebenarnya I tak fikir sangat. but, this is the money issue..

B : You have to wait laa. Its not something that I can just do. Its not my firm anymore.

S : But, what if there are other firms offering me higher..?

B : That will happen anytime and every time.

S : Yes, thats why I do think this is the time.

B : *faking his laugh* Hmm. Dont go. I'll make it up to you.

S : Oh, you buat I rasa nak menangis sekarang.. *tears drop*

B : Eh, janganlahh. I tak nak.. Im sorry.

hand over a box of tissue..

*****

S : So, you are not going to accept my resignation letter?

B : Let me have a think about this and come back to you. In a meantime, please dont go.

********

Okay, Im not pointing to the point that my boss was trying to 'nego' and asking me to not leaving the firm. If you were in my shoes, you will know exactly how I felt for this big man who being my boss for almost a year. He is a nice guy. But, I can feel that he needs me for the sake of the firm and not because of my performance or achievement. And yes, I dont see him appreciate his employees. I am sorry but I do have this kind of believes where the relationship between employer and employees is all about money. Just money. And the vital reason for me to leave the place which I love the most is simply because I dont feel worth it anymore.

This worth-no-more feeling Im having right now is leading me to the Road Not Taken by Robert Lee Frost. Between both roads, I will be choosing the less traveled by others. Bismillah.